Remembering when my roots grew deeper

I remember 1991 as if it were yesterday. Well actually, I think the winds started blowing in my life the year before. My mother had become increasingly ill, my long-term relationship was eroding before my eyes for reasons I did not understand, and 1991 was to be a year of major changes in my life. for the first time in decades I was living on my own, my mother was dying, my father was doing all he could to stay strong and care for my mom, I was back in school working on my fourth degree and felt as if what was keeping together was my commitment to just taking it one day at a time, sometimes one minute. My first semester in seminary I was told to leave my church, my mom died, my car was stolen, and my son had a near death experience. My pastor at the time said it seemed as if I was living in chaos. To be honest, that is how it felt.

Fast forward four years later and my father died my last semester in seminary, I had a series of injuries to my back and knees, and my life was once again being buffeted by the winds of life. The difference was that this time I was no longer living in chaos; I was living while the chaos was happening.

What I learned through this journey was that the deeper my roots were, the richer the fruits were I would be able to bear. My time in seminary and since then has been spent developing a deeper sense of being rooted in who I am as an individual who was created by the Infinite as love, to be love and share love. It was this deepening and expanding spiritual root system, which allowed me to stay centered even in the worst of the windstorms of my life.

I wish I could say the winds no longer blow; however, I would be lying. They still blow, however, my branches are strong, and they sway but do not break from the wind. I have come to be deeply rooted in my trust in the Infinite who is my life compass. When I trust in the Infinite to guide me like a compass through storms, I always sail through maintaining my calm and peace and enabling others to be comforted as well. 

This is just one of the rich fruits I have come to realize comes from my having these deeper roots. This morning, my wheelchair repairperson and I were talking and he talked about how the peace and calm he senses around me comfort him. As he spoke, I was humbled. At the same time, I was reminded of a question Confucius asked about why a fish would be the last thing to discover water. When you are who you are, you often times are not aware of what others see. I do not see my own aura, but others do. For me, it is just me being me. For others, it is a light they see which comforts and reassures. So today, my intent is to be more mindful and aware of the depth of my roots, the presence of the Infinite’s guidance in my life and the peace in the midst of the storms.