I just wanted to thank you for our conversation this past week. You said something that really touched me and got me thinking about how far I have come in my own journey. You talked about my aura and how it drew you to me and how you thought it drew others to me as well. I am not even sure if you will remember saying that or not. I can remember a time when I was probably more Eeyore and feeling like my whole world was woe is me. I had to work so hard on myself to look at how I was practicing a theology of sadness to get to a theology of joy.
I had allowed myself to internalize other people’s lies and negativity. It had eaten away at my sense of self and the perception of my relationship with God. I had to remove all this from my spirit and replace them with those things I knew to be true. As I let all that stuff drain out and off of me I was able to reconnect with my inner Spirit and find my way back to that inner joy and peace. I committed to never letting anyone steal that joy again.
Since then I have had this daily practice of spending time communing with God. Sometimes I just sit there and talk to God about everything in my heart and other times I sit quietly meditating and listening to what God needs for me to know and experience.
I have an acquaintance that im’s me just about every morning and asks me how I am doing. My answer is always the same – awesome. He asked me once if I always so happy. I had to stop and think about it for a moment and I realized that it has been years since I have been sad. That is not to say that I don’t have my moments, but they are a moment not a way of being.
What I guess I did not realize or was not aware of until you said something to me was that others had noticed this change in my aura. A friend of mine said that when somebody is so happy they look like a sunbeam, the Chinese call it guong (not sure I spelled that correctly). I was talking to her the other day and she said she could feel her brother guonging over the phone when he talks about his new girlfriend. She said I guong when I talk about Zoë. She said I used to guong all the time, but then lost it and now I am guonging again.
So thank you for making me realize that this joy I carry within me these days goes with me everywhere I go and is present with everyone I meet.