So I am not sure why I ever doubt whether or not I will know what to write you about when I sit down to journal with you. Seriously, like I would ever run out of things to talk with you about. I guess that is why my faith in you is so strong. I know I can have a conversation with you about absolutely everything in my life. I probably censor what I need to say less with you then with anyone. Maybe that is because I know you hear all my thoughts anyway, so why try to come to you and pretend I am someone that I am not. You observe my thoughts, my words, my actions, and have already searched my heart. So there is no need for me to pretend with you.
While I would like to say I have always been this close to you, I know that is not the case.
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Once again, the answer to my prayers is found in my Toltec Wisdom cards. I have been struggling for a few months about why I have felt the need to pull away from a few people in my life. I can’t say it was anything they did or even anything they said. I cannot even say it had anything to do with what others had said about them. The feelings began shortly after having met them.
There were a few things which happened which made me go hmm. I kept trying to asking myself if I was projecting something on to the situation. I kept asking myself if I was allowing the experiences of others to shape my reality. Even when I allowed the external to wash over and off me, I found myself with this feeling as if Spirit was telling me to back away from this relationship. I felt as if I were to pray for them and envision myself sending them healing energies. At the same time, I know I am not supposed to have anything else to do with them.
Read moreSo here I am at 4:47 am, unable to sleep, and I am not sure why that is. Perhaps because I was thinking about how much I have agreed to accomplish today. Perhaps because I wanted to take advantage of this quiet time when Zoe and the cats are sleeping, the phone is not ringing, and the computer is not telling me I have mail. Lol. I do love these quiet moments where I feel the freedom, quiet, and space to write letters to myself. It is as if somebody has put me this do not disturb sign on my life.
It was strange for me to read what I wrote to myself last week. I think I needed to write that for me because it prepared me to face a situation with courage this week, which was about putting me back in the spotlight – well maybe not the spotlight, but the physical classroom five times a semester. It meant that I had to push myself pedagogically from teaching solely online to teaching my first hybrid class and facing my fear of the unknown. I had never done this. How can I do this?
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