I have been thinking a lot about unity this week and when I feel in sync with myself and others and when I do not. What I have come to realize is that I do not feel in sync with myself when I am doing something that goes against my internal Book of Law. I have come to realize that sometimes it is because I am doing something that I know is not the right thing for me. I am doing something because I feel pressured to do so. For example, recently a client asked me to do something which went against my Book of Law. As much as I always like to support my clients, this request made me feel very uncomfortable and I realized in this situation there could be no unity. I came to the realization that being in unity with you is more important to me than being in unity with another human being, especially when it feels like they are not coming from a space of love.
As much as I would love to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, as the old Coca Cola song said, I have come to realize that I can only sing in perfect harmony with those who also want to raise the vibrational frequency in this world. If they are not seeking to do so, then I have to rethink our relationship and find a different way of standing in unity with them. That unity might be in agreeing we are not working towards the same goal. Read More
I want to thank you for the reminder of the transformative power of love. I was so moved by this video and the story of those who radiated love out to those whose actions and beliefs had led to such a devastating effect on their lives and families. As I watched it, I was reminded of how my Bubby had taught me to pray for those who hurt me. That lesson first started when I was 13, at least that is when I first remember it. It was when I was gang raped by people I went to school with and had to sit in the same room as so I could finish my education. She had told me that I needed to pray for my own healing, but that I also needed to pray for forgiveness and healing for all those who had violated me.
She would always tell me that holding on to hate for them would only make me sick, angry, and bitter and that was not who you had created me to be. So she taught me to pray for them and for me until there was only love in my heart and I had forgiven them for what they had done. Maybe that is why I was at such piece decades later when one of them came to pay his condolences when I was home preparing for my father’s funeral. It was odd that he needed to come by after all those years to seek forgiveness. He somehow thought that he needed me to forgive him; the sad thing was that I had done that decades ago. Read More
Today, I just want to thank you for the reminder that if I want to stay in a space of peace, I just need to do one thing at a time. I do not need to be thinking about the list of things I have created for myself, many of which I have come to realize I really do not need to do. If I am spending time thinking about everything, then I am not able to accomplish anything. As I remember realizing years ago, I cannot be in a state of peace if I am trying to multitask. The lesson came to me about three years ago when I came across a quote that said, “When walking, walk. When eating, eat.” I remember laughing at the time because I was trying to drink my morning water, eat breakfast, check my email and FB all at the same time. Read More
I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for blessing me with Thich Nhat Hanh’s book Fear: Essential Wisdom for Getting through the Storm. I am not sure what I was expecting when I began this book, but I am so grateful for all that is helping me to release and the wounds that are being healed along the way. One of the things he pointed out was that whether we are physically connected to or want to be connected to our ancestors, we are. We need to heal the wounds we have inherited as part of our legacy. One of the things he suggested doing was writing letters as a form of meditational practice to our ancestors and parents. As I thought about this, I realized I had written letters to my parents before and after they made transition. However, never in my life have I written a letter to my foster parents or to my birth parents. Even though I will never meet them, at least not in this realm, I am still connected to them and in their own ways; we will always be connected. So today, I am going to begin with the one that might be the hardest, the letter to my biological father. I am not even sure how you write a love letter to someone you never knew and are not even sure you ever met or ever say me. However, I am going to do my best Read More
The last few days I have been feeling as if I was entering a different state of being and have not been able to figure out where this shift is coming from. Then I remembered that this is October, the month where my body remembers to grieve the loss of my god-daughter, the leaving the adoption center, the birth into my family, the severing of yet one more umbilical cord in my life and the creation of another one.
Reading Thich Nhat Hanh’s book on fear has reminded me how you have always been my umbilical cord. When it was time for me to leave the safety of my birth mother’s womb, you were there to protect me. You brought me into your utero for just a moment while they worked on saving my human life and the life of my birth mother. Even when my spirit returned to my infant body, my umbilical cord to you remained attached. When I was moved to the foster home, my umbilical cord to you remained attached. When I was brought to the adoption center, my umbilical cord to you remained attached. When my parents adopted me, my umbilical cord to you remained attached. Read More
One of my favorite songs is from the Wizard of Oz, Somewhere over the rainbow, as it reminds to dare to dream. It inspired me to write a poem of my own.
Somewhere over the rainbow Read More
way up high
are the dreams that I dream of
As I walk in the light
Somewhere over the rainbow
where the angels fly
are the visoins I dream of
experiencing them in the light
Sometimes I dream of falling asleep and
waking up on a pillow of clouds
where the struggles are beyond me
Sitting on a cloud of peace
with the warmth of a blanket made of fleece
I learned this amazing lesson the other day. Sometimes there is nothing to say. Sometimes there is nothing to feel. Sometimes there is nothing to express. Sometimes when I become thoughtful and quiet people want to know what is wrong with me. Sometimes it is just where I am. Recently, someone asked me why I was being so quiet and I said because I am. They were upset with me and left because I did not give them the explanation they desired. I guess because I might not have given them what they needed, but it was. Read More
I just wanted to thank you for our conversation this past week. You said something that really touched me and got me thinking about how far I have come in my own journey. You talked about my aura and how it drew you to me and how you thought it drew others to me as well. I am not even sure if you will remember saying that or not. I can remember a time when I was probably more Eeyore and feeling like my whole world was woe is me. I had to work so hard on myself to look at how I was practicing a theology of sadness to get to a theology of joy.
I had allowed myself to internalize other people’s lies and negativity. It had eaten away at my sense of self and the perception of my relationship with God. I had to remove all this from my spirit and replace them with those things I knew to be true. Read More
It is scary when you find yourself telling others exactly what you need to tell yourself. Makes you go hmm, ok God are you having her say this so I can tell myself what I need to hear. A friend of mine from the Whole Living Community was talking about not being productive because she had taken too much time for herself this past weekend and not gotten her normal weekend chores done. As I was writing to her, I found myself convicting myself especially when I realized it had been weeks since I had claimed the time to write in my own journal. Here this private space that is just for me to write my own meanderings about me. And then I remembered that one of my promises to myself had been to take time for me everyday. So when did I start agreeing that I was not worthy of paying myself with some personal time for me. Not Sharon the professor, the mother, the partner, the spiritual director, the sister, or any other role I play for people, but just me. Read More
So today was to be field trip day and we were to go out and look at fences. We were supposed to notice how they were made and the purposes they serve. are they about holding something in or keeping something out. how do fences give us peace of mind. Finally, have there been different kinds of fences in our lives at different times.
I would so love to do this, but when the weather is in the single digits and the snow cannot seem to stop falling, my ideal field trip is not to go strolling looking for and at fences. Not even sure that with all the snow we have right now, I could even see someone’s fence. In fact, in my neighborhood, there is not a single house with a fence. Read More
I have always found these magazine one challenging as I rarely, if ever, have any around the house, but this time I did. Well a few copies of the same magazine. Therefore, here were the article titles on the covers Your total health plan. Stress free simplicity, instant calm, and charge up your health. Then I found one from a different magazine that said pasta pasta pasta. So if I were to choose one article name and write an article about it, I would probably call it either your total happiness plan or happy happy happy! But for whatever reason I am not really feeling either of those titles. And I am not sure I am comfortable saying somebody seems happy. Some people in my life seem happy, but you get them behind closed doors and you find out they are not and are miserable. It’s as if they have this happy make up on Read More
Hmm. The one that really is speaking to me the most is #3. So I guess I will be coming back to this entry for the next week. Isn’t that kind of like life – a work in progressJ? So this morning my first thought was how I just wanted to make it to the bathroom on time and then when I did I was angry because I realized I was having my first period in over a year. I thought I was through with this part of my life. Not really holding any grudges this morning and am at a space where the one thing in my life which is unresolved, well I know in time it is going to be resolved. So that is a good thing. I can live with knowing it is all going to be ok. I think it helped that I have clarification from CDR about what they will do for me as an individual and how I can work to get others involved systemically.
So let me take just a moment to pray before I get started with my day. Read More
So today was field trip day and I could actually do this. I went to the local nurseryJ. The goal was to pay attention to your sensory reaction as you walked up and down the aisles. Intuitively, what do you know about flowers? What does your spirit say about plants that must be planted annually or those that come back every year? How do you respond to the tiny seedlings compared to the larger plants? What does your reaction to seedlings tell you about how you trust?
I might have to email Janelle and tell her that her book is California biased. On a cold January day, I was literally one of only 2 customers in the nursery. The other was my partner who went with me. Not many people go to the nursery on a cold winter day and there was very little to interact with. Never the less it was a powerful experience. Read More
I have to laugh on these day 7 days as we are supposed to take ourselves to these outdoor places. However, as it is winter and I have no para-transit services for a few more weeks, I kind of have to improvise and be creative.
For today, we were supposed to take ourselves to a body of water and ask the water to pour its wisdom over us. Use streaming to learn from water’s qualities what you need to live with. Cluster about something living in water. Dialogue with the teacher of the water.
Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Ah well I can kill two birds with one stone and take a shower. I love showers. Turn the lights on, Zoë will yell down the hallway. I love taking showers in the dark at times – ok, so at this point in the day, it is not exactly like dark, but the water sounds differently when I am showering with the lights off then when they are on. Not sure why that is, it just sounds different. Maybe with the lights on I am thinking more about why I am there Read More