Feel It All

January 27, 2024 Sharon Jacobson

Feel It All

There are those feelings
I look forward to feeling
and those I prefer not to feel.
The reality is I have to
feel it all.
I can’t suppress one feeling
without suppressing others.
If I want to feel my joy,
really feel my joy,
I also have to allow myself to grieve
and cry
and feel the pain.
If I want to experience the wonder and
mysteries of life,
I have to also allow myself to
fear that which I do not want to feel.
I have to embrace all the feelings.
the ones that make me
jump with joy
and curl up in tears.
I have to find the courage
and the openness in my soul
to feel it all.

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Wonder

March 14, 2020 Sharon Jacobson

Twinkle, twinkle little star
how I wondered what you were
when I was young and did not know
and experienced all of life
for the first time and
everything was new.

Today I wonder with my students
and the young people in my life
who are discovering life and
sharing their wonder with me
and reminding me to see
the wonder in all things new.

I may no longer wonder about the stars
but I can appreciate the joy and mystery
of those who are discovering
things for the first time,
just as my elders are discovering
with me
the mysteries revealing themselves
in this stage of my journey.

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My Playmate

July 26, 2019 Sharon Jacobson

One of the things I love most
about you is that you are always
there to come play with me.
You are the one who reminds me of
Melanie singing I have
a brand new pair of roller skates,
you have a brand new key.
You are my playmate.

You are the one who when I
am pausing,
is my best friend and
says lets play.
You watch cooking shows with me,
listen to music with me,
makes me laugh,
brings me joy, and
says let’s play again.

You bring out my inner child.
and remind me you like to have fun too.
You love when we say
let’s play,
let’s laugh,
let’s be silly,
and have a good time.
I am so glad you are
my playmate.

You remind me to pause,
say I have the key
do you have the roller skates.
we have swung on swings,
read books,
splashed in water,
made blueberry banana bars
and hidden under the covers
we call tents.
Thank you for being
my playmate.

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Becoming the Tree

July 13, 2018 Sharon Jacobson

Dear God,

I know you never put more on us then we can bear, but this year has been filled with challenges. If I had to pick a word for that I have learned this year, it would be tenacity. I have learned to have the determination to rise about difficult circumstances. It does not mean it has been easy, but I am making myself rise. I am finding the strength within myself to keep on going.

There have been days when I felt so deeply and did see my own strength, but I would remember to release the fears that were obscuring my vision. You found your way of reminding me to be like the Tree of Heaven, the tree Betty Smith wrote about in her novel A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. She wrote, “Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first time or last time. Then your time on Earth will be filled with joy.”

Week 1, Day 2 – Hope Holds the Opportunity

December 16, 2010 Sharon Jacobson

One of the things I came to realize after journaling yesterday was that 10 minutes was just not enough time for me to really go as deep in my writing as I wanted to go. I found myself writing about wonder periodically throughout the night and throughout the day today. One of the things I found myself wondering was if I had other biological family members out there in this great big world. Every once in a while someone will tell me they met my twin somewhere. I have always wondered if my biological parents had any other children with or after me. If so, where are they? Would I even recognize them if I were sitting next to them? When I was younger, I used to wonder about this more then I do now, but sometimes I still wonder about this. Sometimes I wonder about my foster parents. I wonder what made them become foster parents. I wonder what they enjoyed most about caring for me. Sometimes I wonder why I am still alive. I wonder how I managed to survive the fetal distress I was born with. Sometimes I wonder how my brother Jess is doing and if he will ever find it within himself to speak to Mark or me again. Sometimes I wonder if I can ever make it through the day without questioning something. But there are so many other things that make me experience wonder then just questions about what I do not know.

Week 1, Day 1 -- Wondering

December 15, 2010 Sharon Jacobson

What was really interesting for me was that after I typed up these directions, I needed to step away from the computer. My brain seemed to be focused on this logical way of thinking. It seemed as if typing these concrete directions made me feel less connected to what was really going on inside of me. I found myself feeling as if I should be sitting here writing some sort of academic essay. Answer the questions please. I have always hated trying to write for others. it seems as if takes away the freedom and the connection to self and others. it becomes a job, rather then a form of self-expression. Probably the one thing I wonder about the most these days is why I allowed others to neglect, reject and abuse me. I am pretty clear on why I stopped the abuse, but sometimes I wonder why I even allowed them to do it in the first place. why did I choose to believe the criticisms and negativity of others. why did I stop believing I was worthy? Why did I stop believing in my own gifts? In my own intelligence?

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