Week 4, Day 3 – Releasing Overwhelm

The minute I saw this picture, I found myself at peace. I have always felt drawn to pictures of mothers and children. It is not so much that it reminds me of anything in my own life, at least not that I can remember. Maybe that is it. Maybe it is that it reminds me of what I have read about my foster parents and how they used to play with me. It reminds me of being connected to something bigger then me. It reminds me of my relationship with the creator. We are connected. I am part of something bigger then myself, and in some respects, I have my own unique identity, but there is something that connects us. I have never known my birth or foster parents, but there is a connection between us that nothing can separate.
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Week 3, Day 2 – Stopping the Internal Judge

I have been really sitting with these questions for a while, not sure where I wanted to start. But then life kind of answered that for me. I was going to waif for my friends to tell me who I am, but I had a challenging situation today. Well let me say I had a situation today that I allowed to become challenging. I got a letter from the local paratransit agency today informing me that my doctor had not answered one of the questions on the recertification forms, so tomorrow 12/31/2010 will be my last day of services until all the information is received and re-evaluated, which can take up to 3 weeks. Let me just say that my initial feeling was not happy happy joy joy. I couldn’t even get a paratransit ride to take me to the doctor’s office, who by the way is out for the holidays until Monday if I wanted to today. So grateful for my wife, who lovingly offered to take the forms up there and then advocated on my behalf when they started to point out all the information I had failed to give them. So what did I learn about myself today besides I have great taste in partnersJ. I do love my wife. I learned that I could express my anger in a loving and compassionate manner. I am not sure that I really learned anything new, but realized at a more conscious level how much I value my independence. There is a real difference for me between not leaving the house or using my services, and not being able to leave the house because I do not have services. I came to realize how much I enjoy going out and being in the world and knowing my home is a place I come back to and experience love. I learned that I could think clearly in the midst of crisis. I also learned that I could speak and act more out of love for myself and what I needed, then out of fear and frustration around the situation. I could tell that they wanted to come out and take control, but the love part of my personality kept them under control.
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