Letting Go and Letting Grow

Last night, during our living the five agreements group we began talking about Bryon Katie’s book “Loving What Is: Four Questions that will change your life.” For me, her “The Work” is similar to what Toltecs call stalking.  As I was sharing one of the stories about relationship from her book, I came to realize that I have to accept that my son is growing up. As much as he will always, in some respects, be my little boy. He, in reality, is now a 32 year old man who is developing his own way in the world and no longer needs to talk to me as often as he once did. I realized I have had to let go and let him grow. He will call when he needs to talk to me and I will call when I need to talk to him.

Nick came into my life when he was 10 and until recently he would call at least weekly. Now, he has entered this new phase in his life and calls about once a month or every other month

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I will always love you

I am always grateful for my wife and my relationship with her. this afternoon, William posted this on facebook and it made me realize how grateful I am for the little things Zoe and I do each day that makes us feel loved. It is such a great feeling that after almost 11 years I have no regrets about the woman with whom I share my life. Zoe is just as amazing to me today as the day we met, if not more so. At the same time, I began to think about my former relationships and what might have happened if I had done what the woman in this story did. I won’t ever know. What I do know is this. from this day forward, I will remember to look at Zoe with the same love and intimacy that I did when we first met. She still makes me smile and laugh as nobody else can. The day we were married they played a song by Celine Dion as my song to her because she is my voice when I cannot speak, she is my eyes when I cannot see, she is my ears when I cannot hear, she gives me strength when I am weak and as we grow closer to our 1 year marriage anniversary and our 11 year together anniversary, she continues to be everything I could ever want or need in a wife. So sweetie, if you ever read this, know that I love you with all my heart and soul.
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Rethinking Relationship

I teach this all the time to my students, do we really know what a word means. What is work? Does it mean the same to you as it does to me? Or as we are discussing this module, what is poverty? What is well being? What is quality of life? In my head, I theoretically get the idea that words can carry individualized meanings. How I define something like compassion for example, may not be the same as how somebody else defines it, yet both are right. What got me here was this whole notion of relationship as an event in a talk given by Barbara Emrys. She said, “Relationship is an event that holds your attention.”
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When does relationship occur?

When does relationship occur? How would you describe your dance with the dream of the planet? Don Miguel Ruiz asked viewers to think about these questions. At one point in my life, I would have said it was when I began speaking to someone. However, over the course of my life I have come to realize I am in relationship with people with whom I have never spoken. Every time I post something I have written, whether it is from my personal journal, something I am working on for my book, or something I have written to assist others, I am creating the possibility for me to interact with someone and for someone to interact with me. Sometimes I can be in a physical space and be developing a relationship with them without even saying a word.
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Authenticity and Relationship

So often, we do not think about what we want or need in a relationship. Some of us are so hungry for a relationship that we settle for the first person to come along because we are afraid we will never find anyone else to love us. It is that fear that persuades us to stay in relationships that are not what we need and are often times abusive and neglectful. In those relationships, we do not have an authentic relationship with the person we are with, nor do we have an authentic relationship with ourselves. I would like to believe that most people do not want a relationship that is abusive, neglectful, and disrespectful.
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Using my Bubby wisdom

As I lay in bed this morning, feeling Zoë’s arms wrapped around me, feeling the warmth of her breath on my neck and the gentle sound of her snoring, my heart just overflowed with love. I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I did have to go to the bathroom. One of these days, we will figure out how to be able to do both things at one time. Until then, I guess I will have to do with interrupting those special moments. It is not that her touch, breathing or snoring is any different then it has been for the last 10 years, it just has taken on a completely new meaning. My Bubby, Yiddish for grandmother, used to tell me when you can see the good in a bad situation then you know you are going to be ok. I am not going to lie to myself or anybody else.
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Sleepless in Rochester

So here I am at 3 something in the morning, unable to sleep. I have tossed and turned, prayed, meditated and cannot seem to maintain a sustained sleep. Perhaps it is because I was so mindful of Zoe's breathing and snoring. Perhaps it was because I was so mindful of her presence in the bed next to me. Perhaps it was because since this morning, I have been realizing how much I have taken for granted in my life and forgotten to be grateful for like her snoring. We were sitting at the table at Target's waiting for my liftline bus when her cell phone rang. It was the doctor's office telling her the lump she had found in her chest was cancerous. I knew by the look on her face and the tone of her voice that something was wrong. After almost 10 years, you know these things.
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